The Identity Lag: What a Yungblud Concert Taught Me About Becoming Her

When you go through a massive transformation in a short period of time, you will inevitably encounter a very peculiar internal phenomenon. I like to call The Identity Lag.

It happens when, at random moments, you still view yourself as the “old you,” even though you have already become the “new you.” I experienced this lesson recently in a very comedic way.

The Night I Realized My Identity Was Lagging

On May 20th, at the fresh age of 38, I attended my first-ever rock concert. My friend Christine was incredibly sweet and invited me to join her at a Yungblud concert, all expenses paid. I had never heard of Yungblud, but I was not about to say no to a new experience...because we do that now. We do the things that make us uncomfortable when they also sound fun.

The extent of my love for rock n' roll begins and ends with Freddie Mercury and Queen. Because do you really need to know any other rock band? LOL. Just kidding. Needless to say, when we arrived at the concert, I felt very out of place. Of course, I had Googled, “What do you wear to a rock concert?” Then I put together the most rock-concert-esque outfit I could create from what I already owned: a black mesh top, jeans, Vans, dark eyeshadow, and red lipstick.

As we walked around the venue among the “Yungblud Army,” I began taking everyone in. They were wearing rocker outfits, cool piercings, chains, studded belts, and dramatic hairstyles. Most of them were tattooed from head to toe. My hypervigilance kicked in, and I started noticing people throwing quick glances in my direction.

I immediately thought, “They know! They know I am not a rocker chick, and I don’t belong here!” I started feeling a bit self-conscious, so I mentioned it to Christine with a half-hearted chuckle. “Hey, I feel kind of out of place. People here look pretty hardcore.” Christine stared at me. God bless her because she is one of my most blunt and straightforward friends. She said, “Girl, you have a fucking neck tattoo. I don’t know what’s more hardcore than that.”

Truth bomb. I was stunned for a second, and then we both burst out laughing. This is a perfect example of Identity Lag.

You see, I only got my first tattoo at the age of 31. After leaving my old life behind and beginning my healing and fitness journey. I got my second tattoo at 35. I then proceeded to get four more tattoos in quick succession, ending with my newest addition: the “GODMOTHER” neck tattoo I received at the end of 2025.

That tattoo represented me stepping fully into my new life path of leading other women toward their highest timelines. Even though I am now tatted up like a rocker chick, I was walking around that venue feeling like a girl who did not look the part. It was as though I had completely forgotten what I looked like. I was looking at them looking at me and assuming they were seeing the woman I used to be: straight-laced, conservative, afraid to be seen, and uncomfortable taking up too much space. But that is not me anymore.

I am here to live my life and express the fullest version of myself. For me, that includes gorgeous body art that makes a statement, tells a story, and invites questions.

So, why am I telling you this story?

What is Identity Lag?

Because Identity Lag fits perfectly into both the healing journey and the fitness journey. Just because your identity is lagging does not mean you are not already her. It simply means your nervous system and your self-perception may need time to catch up with the woman you have become.

The Fitness Identity Lag

Maybe you spent your teenage years and most of your adult life overweight, but over the last few years, you have been on a beautiful health journey. You learned how to nourish your body, work out consistently, and release the excess weight that was no longer serving you.

You look great. You feel great. You have built confidence. You have put in the reps, both literally and figuratively.

Then, bam.

You suddenly find yourself surrounded by really fit people at the gym, and an old feeling of insecurity flickers through you. For a moment, you wonder whether you belong there.

Then you catch your reflection in the mirror and laugh to yourself.

“Oh, right. I’m a fit person too. I remember.”

You look at the healthy body you worked so hard to build. You check all the angles, obviously. Then you remind yourself that you belong there and that these are your people too.

“Nah. I’m not that woman anymore.”

The insecurity passes. You enjoy the rest of your workout and head home shaking your head over that momentary identity lapse.

The Internal & Mindset Identity Lag

Maybe your transformation has happened internally.

You have been going to therapy, reading mindset books, practicing meditation, journaling, praying, forgiving, and letting go. You have been growing into a new version of yourself with boundaries, self-respect, and resilience. A version of you who knows, “I AM WORTHY of the life I want."

You have been applying your new mindset. You understand that you participate in creating your own destiny, that your thoughts influence your experience, and that you do not have to remain a victim of your past.

Then something triggers you.

A person. A place. A memory.

You feel anxiety creeping in. You feel lost. You hear that old version of yourself whispering.

Instead of judging her, you gently remind her:

“Honey, it’s okay. You’re safe with me. We know how to deal with this now. You don’t take that shit anymore. You transform it.”

Your Past Self is Not Proof of Failure

The point is that no matter how far you have come, you still carry memories of who you used to be.

I do not think we ever completely forget what it felt like to be overweight, to be a people pleaser, or to constantly abandon ourselves. You do not forget the trauma you endured, the unhealthy relationships you stayed in for too long, or the old life that made you feel like a shell of yourself.

And honestly, that is okay.

It is more than okay. It is normal.

When that old version of you resurfaces, she is not necessarily telling you that you are backtracking. She may simply be showing you the distance between who you once believed you were and who you have now become. She remembers what it felt like to shrink, hide, doubt herself, and survive.

The woman you are today remembers something different.

She remembers the boundaries she has built. The promises she has kept. The strength she has developed. The life she has created. The space she now allows herself to occupy.

Sometimes those two versions of you meet in the same moment. That is Identity Lag.

It is not proof that your transformation was not real. It is your past self briefly stepping into the present and looking around at everything you have built.

As you continue living as this new version of yourself, the days become months and the months become years. The new identity stops feeling like something you are reaching for and begins to feel like home.

I have been on this mind, body, and soul healing journey for a while now. I have built confidence, strengthened my self-belief, and allowed myself to hold enormous dreams for my future.

Still, on a rare and random day, my Identity Lag catches me off guard.

Healing the Girl You Used to Be

Sometimes I still feel like that young, chubby teenage girl who believed she was unlovable, insecure, boring, and a burden. The girl who thought she needed to earn her place in the world by becoming a hyper-vigilant people pleaser. The girl who placed everyone else’s feelings and needs above her own. The girl who somehow learned that she was not worthy of taking up space or creating her own path in life.

But now, when she shows up, I understand that she is not evidence that the work is failing.

She is not proof that I have not truly changed.

She is simply revealing another place within me that still needs healing, reassurance, and love.

So I thank her for coming forward. I talk to her. I send her love.

And I remind her:

“We’re safe now. We’re becoming everything we were always meant to be. We’re on our way to wholeness.”

✨ Godmother Reflection

Where is your identity still lagging behind the woman you have already become?

What evidence can you give yourself today that reminds you: **I am already her?**

I love you.

You got this.