Forget Prince Charming, Choose Yourself | Divine Feminine Power

The Pillar of Divine Feminine Power and Influence

The Pillar of Divine Feminine Power and Influence asks us to step into our God-given power. And when things are God-given, it means no outside validation is required. Not your mom’s, your man’s, your friends’, and 100% not the trolls in the comments.

In one of my recent blog posts on the Pillar of Inner Peace & Spirituality, we learned that we are worthy because we exist. Out of all of the miracles that had to happen for your spirit to land on this planet we call Earth, and out of the trillions of organisms that inhabit this planet, you were born a beautifully and wonderfully made human. And out of the billions of humans on this planet, you are uniquely you, a woman of the Divine. When you are worthy because you exist, that also means the only validation you need to live the life that you want, the life that would be most fulfilling to you, only needs one person’s approval: YOUR OWN.

What is Diving Feminine Power and What Does it Mean to Influence?

There are a million reels out there on being in your divine feminine, but what does that really mean? It sounds ancient, cryptic, and shall we say… a lil woo woo. But that’s where the magic happens, because being a woman is magical. From a biological standpoint, we literally give life. We create whole sentient beings from our wombs. We are creators created in the image of the great Creator, the Universe, Nature, God.

But does women’s power to create start and stop at procreation? The answer is definitely not.

On a spiritual level, being in your Divine Feminine means that you have accepted that you are allowed to receive whatever goodness and beauty this life has to offer. Whether that’s a doting man, the bonds of soul sisters, a successful business, a beautiful garden, gifts from a neighbor, or the ability to see and absorb all of the natural abundance around us found in nature, people, and places. It also means that we are natural creators, not just of life, but of ideas, art, beauty, communities, and abundance.

The patriarchal society we live in wants to tell women that they are only useful to society if they make babies. And once they are past that point, no longer fertile and young, they become useless to society.

Don’t get me wrong, motherhood is beautiful. It is one of the most challenging and amazing journeys a woman can go on, and it asks everything of you. As an auntie of two beautiful nieces and a wild-child nephew, I am incredibly grateful to have children in my life, but as a 38-year-old woman with no kids myself, if I took this as truth — that my sisters are more valuable than me because they have kids and I am a failure as a woman because I did not — life would start to become pretty stark, pretty fast. God forbid I move into menopause barren and become a useless woman to society with a dried-up womb.

But thank the goddess we know better. Thank the goddess we are born creators with or without children. We are all sacred beings with many gifts to offer the world.

Some of the most influential women have contributed their divine creation to the world without ever becoming mothers. And when we talk about Divine Feminine creation, I think it is important to remember that motherhood is sacred, but it is not the only way a woman creates life. Some women birth children, and some women birth entire worlds through their art, music, style, and vision. Frida Kahlo never had living children, but she turned pain, identity, heartbreak, physical suffering, miscarriage, and womanhood into some of the most emotionally honest paintings the world has ever seen. Georgia O’Keeffe never had children, but she became one of the most significant artists of the twentieth century, creating flowers, bones, desert landscapes, and forms that made people see feminine power and nature differently. Mary Cassatt never married or had children, yet became one of the great Impressionist painters and gave the world tender, intelligent images of women and children from a woman’s perspective. Coco Chanel never married or had children, but she changed fashion forever by helping free women from restrictive clothing and creating an entirely new language of feminine elegance. Stevie Nicks did not have children, but she became a mystical force in music, writing songs that gave women permission to be wild, poetic, heartbroken, powerful, and impossible to forget. Dolly Parton did not have children of her own, but she has mothered generations through music, storytelling, generosity, and her Imagination Library. These women remind me that the Divine Feminine is not limited to the womb. She is creative power itself.

With Great Divine Feminine Power Comes Great Responsibility

A Divine Woman who steps into her power becomes a natural INFLUENCER. And we’re not just talking social media. Because nothing can block the path of a Divine Feminine woman who knows her worth.

Some women change art. Some change science. Some change politics. Some change medicine, media, culture, beauty, business, and the way humanity sees itself. Cleopatra used intelligence, strategy, language, beauty, political instinct, and charisma to influence the most powerful men and empires of her time, becoming one of the most remembered queens in history. Marie Curie changed science forever through her groundbreaking work in radioactivity and became the first woman to win a Nobel Prize. Rosa Parks helped ignite the Civil Rights Movement through one courageous act of refusal, reminding the world that quiet strength can shake an entire system. Ada Lovelace imagined the future of computing before the modern computer even existed and is remembered as the first computer programmer. Oprah Winfrey transformed media by turning conversation, vulnerability, storytelling, and personal growth into a global cultural force. And Martha Stewart, the OG lifestyle influencer, turned homemaking, cooking, gardening, entertaining, and everyday beauty into a billion-dollar language of lifestyle, proving that domestic creativity is not small, silly, or secondary. These women remind me that influence is not about being liked by everyone. It is about using your voice, mind, gifts, courage, visibility, and standards in a way that leaves the world different than you found it.

Never Stop Believing in Yourself

Women are strong and soft, demure and radical, beautiful and brilliant. We raise babies and create multi-billion-dollar businesses, often at the same time. Women literally can do it all, especially when we do it together.

We have so many examples of women throughout history who changed the world, changed systems, became billionaires, and thrived at every level, in every profession and field out there. We can learn from the legacy of the women before us that this is where the power of this pillar really starts: with believing you are worthy of the life calling you. Not in a cheesy “just believe” way, but in a deep internal knowing way.

Whatever you want to do, whoever you want to be, IT IS POSSIBLE. You just need to believe it is and take action towards that path. And no, you’re not too old.

Let Go of Old Patriarchal Beliefs

The patriarchy would like you to believe that women are useless past their prime; However, what prime is that?

The patriarchy loves to tell women that we are only powerful when we are young, desirable, agreeable, fertile, and easy to control. But some of the most influential women in business became powerful after the world would have told them they were “past their prime.” Vera Wang opened her first bridal boutique around 40. Martha Stewart started her catering business around 35 and turned homemaking into an empire. Mary Kay Ash launched Mary Kay Cosmetics at 45 after being overlooked in business. Estée Lauder officially launched her beauty company around 38 and helped shape the entire cosmetics industry. Tory Burch founded her fashion brand around 37. Arianna Huffington co-founded The Huffington Post in her 50s and reinvented herself again with Thrive Global. Lynda Weinman co-founded Lynda.com around 40 and helped shape the future of online education. Julia Child became a culinary icon after her first major cookbook was published when she was almost 50. These women remind me that a woman’s power does not expire. It ripens.

My friend sent me an Instagram message just this evening that is so relevant to this topic. It was an image that said:

“Average female career pivot: 39

Average female entrepreneur starts: 42

Average female Millionaire: 49

Women's creative peak: 45-55

"You are not behind, you’re just getting started.” And for my ladies in their golden years… if you think it is ever too late, remember Grandma Moses. She began painting seriously in her late 70s, after arthritis made embroidery difficult, and became one of America’s most beloved folk artists. Her story is a reminder that a woman’s creative power does not disappear with age. Sometimes it is only waiting for the right season to bloom.

Looking at Your Life As a "Hero's Journey" Can Be a Great Way to Start Working on Validating Your Own Path Moving Forward

The Hero’s Journey is a story pattern made famous by Joseph Campbell after studying myths, legends, and sacred stories from cultures all over the world. He noticed that many of humanity’s greatest stories followed a similar arc: the hero is called out of their familiar world, faces trials, transforms through the journey, and returns with new wisdom.

To me, healing and entrepreneurship follow that same path. At some point, the old life stops fitting, and you have to become brave enough to answer the call. So this is your invitation into your own hero’s journey. Because wherever you are in life, whether you have kids or not, no matter what age you are, your education level, or the number of followers you have on social media, you have permission to start a new journey toward a more fulfilling life. And all these women who came before you are your permission slip.

Sometimes that looks like walking away from an old life to pursue healing, clarity, and wholeness. Sometimes it looks like a creative endeavor like art, sewing, singing, music, or cooking. And sometimes, it looks like a jump into creating your own business and source of income.

And guess what? Speaking on business… We’re at a very special time in history where any woman can make a living from her home because of this beautiful thing we have called the internet, and these amazing networking communities called social media. This is literally the old Mary Kay or Tupperware parties on crack. None of us have any excuse not to become wealthy over the next five years, because it has never been easier to be a female entrepreneur and get paid to exist, create, and monetize our passions, wisdom, or skills.

Don't Wait Around for Prince Charming to Start Living Your Life. Break Your Own Spell!

This pillar also asks you to break the “Prince Charming” spell that we are force-fed as little girls. Sometimes this topic is complicated because you can love the magic while questioning the programming. I love magic, the woo woo, and the idea that we all have fairy godmothers. I also love the idea that I have a soulmate out there somewhere, and one day we’ll meet and live happily ever after. So this isn’t me bashing Disney or mocking the idea that a man can be a fulfilling addition to your life. I’m just advocating not waiting around until said man arrives.

I’m with Cher when she says, “A man is not a necessity. A man is a luxury….Men are like dessert. I adore dessert, I love men, I think men are the coolest, but you don’t really need them to live.”

The spell we need to break is not romance. The spell is waiting to be chosen before you feel worthy. We’re taught that to be worthy and loved, we need to be soft, quiet, pretty, agreeable, and defer to men. This teaches most women that they need to be people-pleasers. They need to wait for validation from their parents, partners, or peers in order to be palatable. It also likes to teach us that our lives don’t begin until we get married and start having kids.

Cher further goes on to say in the same interview: “My mom said to me, "You know, sweetheart, one day you should settle down and marry a rich man.” I said, “Mom, I am a rich man.”

Basically ladies…get your money. Worry about love when the Universe sends your man your way in God’s timing.

How This Spell Transfers Into People Pleasing and Outside Validation

People-pleasing masks itself as kindness and agreeableness, but underneath, it can become an anxiety-inducing survival strategy: “If I am pleasing enough, safe enough, useful enough, then I won’t be rejected.”

This not only holds society back from allowing brilliant, wonderful girls to develop into strong, influential women. It holds all women back from their power, which is why we are indoctrinated from a very young age to believe that this is how society should be. Again…the patriarchy. Sigh.

On your hero’s journey, this will often be the biggest hurdle to overcome. Because it’s not merely a confidence issue or a self-worth issue. At its core, it is subconsciously a survival mechanism. And those are the hardest to think your way out of. This is where we need to get out of the loop that we’ll feel better if we just keep following the society script that keeps us small.

For most of human history, being separated from the group was dangerous. This was true in hunter-gatherer societies thousands of years ago, where survival depended on shared food, childcare, protection, knowledge, and cooperation. But it did not suddenly disappear when humans became “civilized.” Even a few hundred years ago, before modern industry, technology, transportation, grocery stores, hospitals, and digital communication, most people still relied heavily on family, neighbors, villages, churches, farms, and local communities to survive. So the fear of rejection is not random. It is ancient wiring meeting a modern world.

So don’t be too hard on yourself if you freeze every time you want to start that business, go after that degree, leave that dusty man, or move to a new place to start a new life.

How Do I get Over Needing Outside Validation?

From my personal experience, it’s always a work in progress. For something as deeply rooted in fear as abandonment and survival, if you “fuck up” or “do something crazy” like quit your job and start your own company, divorce your husband, or go for a degree in the creative arts instead of something respectable, it is a daily practice of coming back to yourself, putting trust in you, and putting faith in the Divine.

That could be a daily meditation practice, journaling, recording yourself on video, posting daily to social media, or watching and listening to women run podcasts on YouTube like ‘Women of Impact’ hosted by Lisa Bilyeu, one of my faves.

And if you need deeper help, if it’s still giving you crippling anxiety and no amount of journaling or hyping yourself up can free you from needing that outside validation to move forward, I highly recommend EMDR therapy.

I have been going to EMDR therapy consistently for almost six months, working through things that talk therapy and journaling were having a hard time cracking through, from childhood sexual trauma, father and mother wounds, to the fear of abandonment and letting go of the need for validation.

EMDR therapy helps the brain reprocess painful or overwhelming memories that may still be living in the nervous system as fear, anxiety, shame, or emotional reactivity. For me, it has helped uncover deeply embedded childhood wounds around abandonment, rejection, and the need for validation, so I can begin separating old survival patterns from who I actually am now. It is not about blaming the past; it is about finally giving the body and mind permission to stop reliving it. And once you stop reliving it, you can move forward.

Being loved is beautiful. Being supported and validated by the ones we love feels amazing. Being truly seen by others is like a glass of cold water on a hot, dry day. It hydrates us to our core. Having a supportive life partner who cherishes us, helps us raise our children, and builds a life with us is a wonderful adventure all its own. But it shouldn’t be the thing that keeps us waiting in limbo until it arrives. If it was…almost none of us would even start.

We Arrive Now. In Our Own Validation.

From my experience, most people (especially those closest to you) will question you instead of support you and will judge you instead of uplift you. So the deeper healing is realizing validation cannot be outsourced, even and especially from those nearest and dearest to us.

Divine Feminine Power is the ability to create, influence, and live from your own internal authority. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved and validated. The wound begins when being loved becomes the proof that you are lovable, and outside validation becomes proof that you are on the right path.

Divine Feminine Power does not mean you never desire partnership, praise, or support. It means those things are no longer the altar where you sacrifice yourself, hold yourself back, or doubt yourself.

Self-Validation is the Real Fairytale...and...It is Not Arrogance.

I have been called out by my own parents as conceited when I celebrated my personal fitness wins. When I’ve leveled up in business and had the best month of my life, I have been told to keep it to myself and not tell my siblings about my success because they are struggling. And it isn’t because my parents are evil or don’t care. It’s because somewhere along the line in their own youth, they too were told: to be humble, don’t brag, keep it to yourself.

They weren’t ALLOWED to celebrate their wins because it wasn’t proper. And when your parents are raised to “play it safe” and “keep your head down,” they can’t help but pass those perceived protections onto you. I love my parents, but they too have wounds they need to heal. Most often, criticism comes from a place of love and protection. No one wants to see their child struggle or fail. Watching someone come into their own with no guarantee can be a big ask on anyone.

So you will find people living the same life as you, and suddenly, God forbid you want to change up the status quo and get healthy, get happy, or get wealthy. It scares people. And scared people will not validate a decision that makes them feel uncomfortable.

So what do we do? First know, self-validation is not pretending you never need support. It is the practice of believing your own feelings, honoring your own dreams, respecting your own body, and trusting your own voice. When you validate yourself:

✨ You stop performing for love.

✨ You stop shrinking for comfort.

✨ You stop asking people who benefit from your smallness to bless your expansion.

Self-validation is the real fairytale because it is the moment the woman stops waiting at the tower window and realizes she has had the key the whole time.

Here’s the good news, as mentioned in my previous blog about the Pillar of Family & Legacy: you won’t be on the lonely path of self-validation forever.

As you grow and expand your horizons, you will meet others like you. You will meet another woman on her own fitness journey. You will meet another woman who is also an entrepreneur. You will meet women who are also healing and working on themselves. And when you meet these soul sisters and soul mothers, shall I even say…soul Godmothers 😁…you will get the most beautiful, uplifting forms of validation you never thought you would ever receive.

When you encounter these beautiful souls you may become close friends, you may team up to help each other on your journeys, she may become your cheerleader, a business partner, a guide, a mentor, or just a true friend. Or maybe it’s that random lady you only see once in your life that tells you she’s proud of you when you’re waiting for your matcha lattes and making small talk about who you are becoming.

So stick with it! Know your value and know your worth. Know the legacy that you come from as a woman.

Like Aibileen says in The Help: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

Say it the next time you look in the mirror!

✨ Godmother Reflection ✨

Self-validation is probably one of the hardest things for a woman to do. Boys often learn this naturally. Girls are often taught the opposite. So let’s practice.

In the comments below, or in a journal, I want you to validate yourself. Write down your natural gifts and how you want to use them to pursue a goal or dream. Acknowledge where you feel weak. Give yourself encouragement. And feel into it. I’ll go first:

Danielle, darling, you have an insurmountable drive to pursue your purpose of helping other women remember, rise, and radiate. And that’s super special. You are doing the scary things to pursue this goal and dream. I know you often struggle to feel like a true entrepreneur who is going to make this happen, but remember: in every endeavor you have faced that has been a challenge, from weight loss, to graduating college, to becoming a top performer in a career you knew nothing about, you not only succeeded, you excelled. There is no way in hell you aren’t going to make this happen. Keep going. I love you. You got this!

And to you dear ones…

Love you very much.

You got this.

Danielle Rae | Godmother of Women