The 8 Pillars of Wealth: The Pillar of Wisdom, Learning & Understanding

Wisdom Is the Moment You Realize You Can Change What Shaped You

Wisdom is not just what you read in a book. It is not just how many podcasts you listen to, how many spiritual concepts you can explain, how many courses you take, or how much information you collect.

Those things matter. Education matters. Reading matters. Expanding your mind matters. But some of the deepest wisdom you will ever receive comes through lived experience. It comes through the lessons you had to embody. The failures you had to survive. The pain you finally became brave enough to look at. The wounds you stopped pretending were “not that bad.” The truth you finally allowed yourself to name. That is the Pillar of Wisdom, Learning & Understanding.

It is not only about becoming smarter. It is about becoming more honest. It is about looking at the things you believed about yourself, your life, your body, your worth, your safety, your voice, and your future, and asking: Was that actually true? Or was that something I learned because I was trying to survive?

When Childhood Becomes a Teacher

In this part of the Mug Smashing Ceremony, I held a mug that said Dallas. The mug represented Dallas, Texas, but the deeper meaning for me was Dallas, Oregon. That is where I spent much of my childhood and adolescence, from about age three to fifteen. And during that time, I experienced childhood trauma. A lot of us do. Especially women. Especially little girls. And childhood trauma is complicated because it does not happen inside a fully developed mind. It happens inside a child’s nervous system. A child’s body. A child’s understanding of the world. When you are little, you do not always have the ability to say:

❌ This adult is unsafe.

❌ This situation is wrong.

❌ This is not my fault.

❌ I deserve protection.

❌ I should not have to carry this.

Instead, a child often absorbs what happens as truth. A child may begin to believe, “This is just how the world works.” “This is how adults are allowed to treat me.” “My feelings are too much.” “My needs create problems.” “I should have known better.” “I should have protected myself.” “I have to keep everyone else okay in order to stay safe.”

And when you are raised with messages like “respect your elders” or “adults know best,” it can become deeply confusing when an adult is the one causing harm, allowing harm, dismissing harm, or failing to recognize what was happening. Because a child does not have adult wisdom. A child does not have adult resources. A child does not have the emotional development, language, nervous system capacity, or life experience to understand abuse, neglect, manipulation, abandonment, emotional chaos, or unsafe dynamics the way an adult might. So one of the deepest parts of healing is realizing that the version of you who survived did the best she could with the understanding she had at the time. And as a child, that understanding was limited. That does not make her weak.That makes her human.

You Can Change What Shaped You

One of the most powerful truths from this part of the ceremony is this: They do shape you. But you can change the way they shape you.

That is wisdom.

Not denial.

Not pretending it did not hurt.

Not bypassing.

Not forcing yourself to say, “Everything happens for a reason,” when what happened was harmful, confusing, painful, or unfair.

Wisdom is being able to look at your past and say:

✨ That shaped me.

✨ That affected how I saw myself.

✨ That influenced what I tolerated.

️✨ That changed how safe I felt in my body.

✨ That taught me survival patterns I no longer want to live by.

And then, slowly, gently, bravely, beginning to choose differently. This is where healing often requires support.

Healing Requires Support

There is only so much childhood trauma you can process on your own. Journaling helps. Reflection helps. Spiritual practice helps. Self-awareness helps. But some wounds need safe witnesses. Some wounds need trained support. Some memories need professional care.

Talk therapy can be a powerful first doorway because it helps you give language to what happened. It helps you understand why you believe certain things, why you expect life to turn out a certain way, why you respond the way you do, and why certain patterns keep showing up. For many people, talk therapy is where they first stop gaslighting themselves. It is where they finally say out loud:

“That happened.”

“That hurt me.”

“That affected me.”

“That was not okay.”

But healing is not always only mental. Sometimes the body is holding what the mind has tried to move on from.

This is where deeper therapies like EMDR can be powerful. EMDR can help access stored wounds, inner child pain, nervous system responses, and trauma memories that are not always resolved through talking alone. The book ,The Body Keeps the Score, speaks to this truth beautifully: trauma is not only something we remember. It can become something our bodies continue to carry.

It can show up as anxiety.

It can show up as people-pleasing.

It can show up as guilt when you have needs.

It can show up as panic when someone is disappointed in you.

It can show up as over-explaining.

It can show up as shutting down.

It can show up as choosing peace in the room while abandoning peace inside your own body. This is why healing often needs to include the body, not just the mind.

Therapy matters.

EMDR matters.

Somatic work matters.

Art matters.

Dance matters.

Cooking matters.

Singing matters.

Poetry matters.

Movement matters.

Creative expression matters.

Because sometimes the body needs to speak in a language deeper than words.

The Shame Was Never Yours to Carry

The second mug in this part of the ceremony was a Hawaii mug. A friend had given it to me with love, and I accepted it with love. But the truth was, the mug missed the whole point of my collection. My mugs were supposed to represent places I had actually been. Places I had explored. Places connected to my own lived experience. I had not been to Hawaii. And instead of saying, “Thank you, but this does not really fit what this collection means to me,” I accepted it because I did not want to hurt her feelings.

That may sound small. But small moments often reveal big patterns. Because how many times do women do this?

We accept what does not align.

We say yes when we mean no.

We soften the truth so someone else does not feel uncomfortable.

We keep the peace even when it costs us our own clarity.

We protect someone else from disappointment while quietly disappointing ourselves.

People-pleasing can look like kindness from the outside. But often, underneath it, there is fear.

Fear of being difficult.

Fear of being misunderstood.

Fear of hurting someone.

Fear of being rejected.

Fear of disrupting the dynamic.

Fear of telling the truth and watching someone else become uncomfortable.

And for many women, this pattern did not begin in adulthood. It began when we learned that staying quiet kept things calm. It began when we learned that our needs created tension.

It began when we learned that adults’ feelings mattered more than our own safety, honesty, or emotional reality. It began when we learned to scan the room instead of listen to ourselves.

So when I think about wisdom and learning, I think about this: I cannot live my life to please other people. I can only live my life in truth.

That does not mean becoming cold. It does not mean becoming careless. It does not mean dismissing other people’s feelings. It means learning that another person’s feelings cannot be the foundation of your identity.

You can love people without organizing your life around their comfort.

You can be kind without betraying yourself.

You can be thoughtful without abandoning your truth.

You can honor someone’s intention and still honor your own meaning.

That is freedom. That is the release of societal expectations. That is wisdom embodied.

Collective Trauma Requires Collective Learning

The third mug in this part of the ceremony was Washington, D.C. And this is where the pillar expands beyond personal healing. Because wisdom, learning, and understanding are not only individual. They are collective. We live in a country with a lot of trauma. And that trauma continues when we refuse to learn from history.

It continues when we refuse to listen.

It continues when we refuse to see people fully.

It continues when we pretend pain is only personal and never systemic.

It continues when families are isolated, communities are disconnected, and women are expected to carry everything on their own.

Our society has praised independence so much that many people have become deeply isolated. The nuclear family may offer privacy and autonomy, but it can also create separation.

Everyone in their own home.

Everyone behind their own fence.

Everyone managing their own pain.

Everyone trying to look fine.

Everyone pretending the family is perfect.

And when people are isolated, harm becomes easier to hide. Children fall through the cracks. Women carry too much. Mothers become overwhelmed. Families perform wellness while quietly struggling. And the community that could have noticed, supported, questioned, protected, or helped is often missing. This is not about blaming mothers. This is not about blaming one person.

This is about recognizing that society has failed women and families in very real ways. Many women were raised by mothers who were expected to do everything.

Work.

Cook.

Clean.

Raise children.

Manage emotions.

Hold families together.

Be independent.

Be attractive.

Be selfless.

Be strong.

Need very little.

And when one woman is expected to hold everything alone, something suffers. Often, it is the women. Often, it is the children. Often, it is the emotional safety of the home. We need stronger communities. We need more safe adults. We need aunties. We need elders. We need godmothers. We need women who notice. Women who listen.Women who believe. Women who protect. Women who are willing to say, “Something feels off here.”

We will dive deeper into Godmother Consciousness in the next blog, but this is where the seed begins. Women were never meant to heal, mother, create, protect, and rise alone. We need each other. And collective trauma will not heal through isolation. It heals when we become brave enough to face what happened, learn from it, and choose something better together.

Wisdom Is Not Just Knowing Better

There is a phrase people love to say: “When you know better, you do better.” And sometimes that is true. But sometimes, knowing better is not enough...Sometimes you know better, but your nervous system still chooses the familiar pattern...Sometimes you know better, but you still freeze...Sometimes you know better, but you still say yes...Sometimes you know better, but your body still thinks speaking up is dangerous.

This is why wisdom has to become embodied...It is not just information...It is integration...It is the moment your body begins to believe what your mind has learned...It is the moment you stop confusing survival with truth...It is the moment you realize the beliefs you inherited are not the laws of your life...It is the moment you understand:

️ I was shaped by things I did not choose.

️ I learned beliefs that were never truly mine.

️ I survived by staying small, quiet, useful, agreeable, or pleasing.

️ I can heal with safe support.

️ I can choose new truths.

️ I can become powerful without becoming hardened.

️ I can change the way my past lives inside me.

That is wisdom. That is learning. That is understanding. Not just becoming smarter. Becoming freer.

✨Godmother Reflection✨

If you have experienced unresolved trauma, whether from childhood, adolescence, adulthood, relationships, family dynamics, abuse, neglect, betrayal, or any season where your body did not feel safe, please know this:

Your reactions may be trying to tell you something. People-pleasing may not be “just your personality.” Feeling guilty for having needs may not be random. Unexplained anxiety attacks may not be meaningless. Over-explaining, freezing, shutting down, avoiding conflict, apologizing for existing, or feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions may be signs that something inside you is asking for care.

Not judgment.

Care.

Reflection.

Support.

Healing.

And you do not have to do that alone.

There is deep strength in seeking help from safe, qualified, professional support. Therapy, EMDR, trauma-informed care, somatic work, support groups, and other healing modalities can help you understand what your body, mind, and younger self have been carrying.

You are not broken because you adapted.

You are not weak because you survived.

You are not dramatic because something still hurts.

And you are not behind because you are only now beginning to understand the impact of what happened.

Wisdom begins when you stop blaming yourself for what shaped you and start lovingly asking what needs to be healed. Please seek safe support if your body, memories, relationships, or patterns are asking for deeper care.

You do not have to carry it alone.

Love you very much.

You got this.

Danielle Rae | Godmother of Women